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10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating a Lawyer: How to Make a Relationship With a Lawyer Work

published December 21, 2017

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Summary: See if your rationale for dating a lawyer falls under one of these 10 rationales.
10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating a Lawyer: How to Make a Relationship With a Lawyer Work
  • How many times have we heard that dating (and eventually marrying) a lawyer is a safe and solid matrimonial bet?
  • Well, not all is bliss, which we soon figure out as our lawyer-related romance continues.
  • The question is, what was our rationale before we began dating a lawyer?
  • If you’ve forgotten, here are 10 misguided rationales that might spark your memory.
We thought that after the scientific and technological leaps of modern civilization, we would be more rational human beings today. But with the “tips” and “tricks” floating around on how and why to date someone, the rationale we are supposed to have acquired now appears to be nonexistent.

Particularly when a prominent dating website boldly reveals the secrets of why one should date a lawyer, of all the smart ideas in the world, someone at eHarmony thought of bringing out lawyers from their complex web of caveats and legalities, and sending them on a date. One must thank them for it. We can now even dare to think of tips to date a librarian, a poet, or even Batman!
10 Misguided Rationales of Dating a Lawyer

Anyway, without further philosophizing, let’s reveal the 10 misguided rationales of dating a lawyer.
  1. Quoting your date will make you sound smarter: “My boyfriend is a lawyer and he says…”

    Maybe the ultimate goal of your love life should be to show off that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend who is a lawyer.

    Your rationale may then be that the world will now take you seriously for hooking up with an honest-to-goodness smart person who makes good money to boot.

    And quoting their litigiousness or thoughtfully debating with friends the summary you’ve formulated from your own lawyer-lover’s summary will earn you higher praise for making a good partner choice.
  1. Your mom and dad will be impressed. Plus: A lawyer in the family is always a good thing!

    Netting a lawyer is an impressive feat indeed, particularly with one’s parents. Lawyers in most parents' minds (possibly with the exception of parents who are also lawyers) are sound individuals of good solid character. Plus, due to you, there is the added benefit of your family having in some respects their own in-house counsel.
  1. Most lawyers are fantastic dressers

    If power dressing is a qualification for long-term dating, lawyers have it in spades. Granted, a large part of being a lawyer is an ability to exude confidence. And what better place to do that than with a lawyer’s clothes style. Of course, we all know the suit doesn’t quite make the man or woman. So if conservative Victoria Beckham or Brooks Brothers style is your style, you’ve hit the mark … we guess.
  1. Lawyers are financially secure

    A large number of America’s young lawyers are far from financial security. Many recent law school graduates are beseeched by creditors to pay off their past student loan debt. Even without the debt, consider the belief that a young lawyer who makes upwards of $200,000 is financially secure is completely subjective ($200,000 a year will barely get you a passable lifestyle in … say … San Francisco).

    Of course, along with the lucrativeness of being (and dating) a lawyer, one has to put up with the reasons that lawyer does make the big bank: 
  • Long hours, late nights.
  • Stress.
  • Every situation seems to be conducted argumentatively.
  • Potential substance abuse.
  • A complete implosion of your relationship. 

    Now, can $200,000, let alone all the money in the world, make up for the negatives of dating an overworked, stressed out, argumentative, potentially addicted lawyer? No, we didn’t think so. 
  1. A lawyer’s charm will rub off on ... everyone

    Attorneys, by default, are charming. They have to charm to attract business and keep up their billable hours. Their charm also flows out to clients, juries in litigation cases, as well as other lawyers.

    That charm, however, is oftentimes forced charm. For as many smiles a lawyer offers, there are scowls about the difficulties of a case, a client, a judge, other lawyers, the workload, or a lawyer’s life in general. 

    Hopefully, when you and your lawyer friend go out to meet friends and/or family, he or she will turn on their charm, and not fall to the as-likely darkness that comes with dating a perceived charming lawyer.
  1. Your date will stand up for you, even when you’re wrong.

    If you sometimes feel like a client in your lawyer relationship, join the club. Lawyers are possessive and protective. And while it may seem dashing and chivalrous at first (none of this is dependent on the lawyer’s gender), as time goes on, and the arguments wear on, your notion of dating your lawyer friend because they stand up for you, even when you’re wrong, can eventually be wrong in and of itself.
  1. Lawyers are often invited to interesting social events.

    If socializing is your thing, a lawyer will be a welcomed addition to your wardrobe of wearable arm candy that can get you into the swankiest of atmospheres. From box seats at the ball game to posh nightclub openings, a lawyer, if it’s important to you, can get you in with the right connections. 
  1. Lawyers are experienced negotiators and excel at conflict resolution.

    There can be some good (obviously) that comes out of a relationship with an attorney. For one, an attorney’s negotiation skills can net you quite the deal if you’re …
  • Buying a car
  • Buying a house
  • Buying hand-painted china on the Ponte Vecchio

    Such lavishness and luxuries in life often need negotiation of some type, such as:
  • Haggling
  • Give-and-take bartering of goods and services
  • Negotiation – on demand when you need it such as during traffic accidents, product returns, and other negotiable incidents
  1. Resolutions at the drop of a hat.

    Lawyers are at their best and most impressive when they figure out a resolution to a complicated issue. And believe it or not, if you have a lot of issues in your life that need resolutions, a lawyer is the perfect pairing for you and your legal or not-so-legal issues.

Why this is comes from two camps:
  1. Lawyers are inherently good people who do try to listen when a person bears their problems. After they listen, lawyers, even subconsciously, begin to seek a resolution.
  1. Issues without resolve can literally drive a lawyer insane. To some lawyers, unresolved issues are the same as mistakes, oversights, and other errors and miscues that can lose a case. This is why attorneys are determined to find resolve. They need it, have to have it, and with that, can allow another chapter in the how-to-be-a-lawyer book to close itself. Until then an attorney will drive themselves and you crazy until the end really is the end.
  1. Debating on Demand.

    One characteristic that cannot be denied with attorneys is their ability, almost instinctually, to debate. One moment, an attorney could be speaking with you in plain language, then with the next moment, his words turn to legalese.

    Granted, while entertaining at first (or not), the arguments that break out at a moment’s notice can wear pretty thin in a relationship. So be aware of this if you’re dating a lawyer for the entertainment value, or you simply like to be in a 24-7 self-inflicted forensic contest that quite frankly never ends.

Frequently Asked Questions

How To Date A Lawyer?

You will need to make some adjustments in your life if you are dating or planning to date or have a lawyer partner. Lawyers have their own way of doing things. You can have a long, happy relationship by being flexible, open to spirited debate, and dedicated to maintaining your independence.

Step 1: Be Flexible With Their Schedule

  1. When they cancel dates, show support. Often, lawyers are required to work late into the evening, sometimes without warning. Instead of getting angry at them when they cancel a dinner date, let them know you understand the difficult situation they are in.
  2. When dates fall through, have a backup plan. If you have an alternative plan for how to spend your evening in the event of a canceled appointment, you are less likely to resent your lawyer. Find out if a friend is available for a last-minute cocktail or invite them over for pizza. If no one is available, buy yourself something, like new shoes or a book you have been wanting to read.
  3. Make them feel surprised at work. You can pick up food from their favorite restaurant and bring it to their office if they cancel dinner plans because of work late. If you plan to stay and eat with them, make sure their boss does not mind. While still allowing them to stay on top of their work, this will give you more time together.
  4. Plan fun outings for the weekend. During the week, lawyers spend so much time at work that they like to go out on the weekend. Plan to go to street festivals, go to museums, have picnics in the park, see movies, and try out new restaurants instead of just staying in and watching TV. Be aware that weekend dates may be canceled if they have a heavy workload. Do not make non-refundable deposits for activities.
  5. Participate in their formal parties. Lawyers often attend work events and high-profile parties that require formal dress. Show your support by attending as many of these events as possible. Remember that they are likely trying to make a good impression with their boss, so do not push them to leave early. Make sure your wardrobe includes lots of formal wear so that you will not have to wear the same dress or suit every time. If you cannot afford to buy new dresses, you might want to consider renting them from Rent the Runway.

Step 2: Engaging in Healthy Conversations

  1. Engage in debates with them. Attorneys are known for their ability to argue, and this is not limited to the workplace. Since they enjoy lively debates, do not take it personally if they disagree with you on an issue. Keep your cool and argue your point effectively. Cite reliable sources, offer statistics, and be objective as much as possible rather than letting your emotions take over. Avoid being intimidated by their law degree. Become comfortable with discussing a wide range of topics and have confidence in your knowledge and intelligence.
  2. Defining boundaries for sensitive topics is important. Identify topics that should not be discussed, such as politics, religion, or family issues. If you are willing to debate anything, then great! If you simply wish to avoid a topic, however, be honest. If something makes you uncomfortable, your date should respect your wishes.
  3. Make it a rule not to discuss work on dates. Whether you will discuss work on dates or leave it behind is up to you. When work is kept out of the relationship, some couples do better, whereas others enjoy sharing what they did during the workday. It is best to have this conversation early so that you are both on the same page by your first or second date.
  4. Become familiar with legal jargon. Legalese is the language used by lawyers, and they may mention some of these terms in conversation. It is best to learn some common legal terms and even some of the fundamentals of Latin if you do not want to constantly ask what they mean. Take a look at Merriam Webster's Dictionary of Law and a few beginner's Latin books at the library. An affidavit, de facto, habeas corpus, fiduciary, corpus juris, and ex parte are examples of legale.
  5. Relationships must be defined. Lawyers like facts that are clear. Come out and tell them what you think about them and where you see the relationship going, rather than playing mind games. Though they might not express their feelings in a romantic way, they will appreciate your honesty and will probably be straight with you as well.
  6. Feel free to speak up if you are hurt. Let go of disappointment as often as possible - missed dates, stress, and late nights are all part of the job. You should let them know if you are hurt by something. Instead of starting sentences with "You always..." or "You never...", describe what particular behavior or situation upsets you.

Step 3: Retaining Your Independence

  1. Choose a career or hobby you enjoy. Attorneys are going to be happier dating someone who is just as passionate about their career or activities. Instead of waiting for the phone to ring, find out what you enjoy and spend more time on it. Work a little longer if you love your job. Spend time painting or running after work if you are passionate about these activities.
  2. Sometimes, make them wait for you. The moment you snap your fingers, your date does not stop working, so do not do the same every time they have a free minute. If they suddenly have a free moment, do not cancel other plans. Keep your phone in your pocket, but do not assume you always need to be available to them.
  3. Organize your own events and invite them. While they may not always be able to attend your work functions or family events, extend the invitation as often as you can to show that you also have a lot going on. Invite them to birthday parties, art shows, work dinners, and volunteer projects.
  4. Spend time with friends who are not lawyers. You should not only hang out with your significant other and their friends, who are likely all lawyers in this case. If you do not have your own friends to hang out with after work, you are going to be alone a lot. Keep in touch and meet up for dinner once or twice a month to maintain old friendships.

Is It Safe To Date A Lawyer?

Dating lawyers will be a great experience for you if you enjoy intelligent, hardworking people. A law degree and license to practice law is a great achievement that can only be accomplished by smart, conscientious people. In addition, legal professionals are good communicators because their jobs require them to argue and converse well. They must also be trustworthy and present themselves well. In short, the legal field shapes individuals who are exciting to be around. Do you need to be aware of any hidden issues? Discover the pros and cons of dating a successful lawyer, and learn how to impress someone of this caliber.

10 Pros of Dating a Lawyer

According to a recent study by a dating site, singles looking for a mate are most likely to work in law. Having a lawyer friend or loving a justice whiz offers many benefits, as does marrying a lawyer. Listed below are a few things to consider:

1. Lawyers are smart: The bar possesses intelligence at its highest level, which can be considered an aphrodisiac. It is no accident that many senators have law degrees.

2. They are hardworking: Law schools require high marks and a resume of past accomplishments to be accepted. Consistent performance is one of the qualities that make qualified counselors.

3. Legal professionals are great communicators: Speeches must be made and various points of view argued, as well as excellent public speaking skills. Lawyers are also excellent writers.

4. They dress elegantly: There are people who say that looks don't matter, but it has been proven that the way someone presents themselves in both love and life makes a big difference. People employed in the justice system are expected to be presentable.

5. Attorneys-at-law earn good money: It may be because of this that this occupation is so popular among singles of both sexes. Barristers sometimes charge up to $7,000-15,000 per court appearance and $500-1000 per hour. The legal profession is among the highest-paid.

6. They are used to compromising and finding win-win solutions: A law consultant will seek a solution that is satisfactory for all parties. Some criminal solicitors may be highly competitive, but they have enough arguments in the courtroom to save their minds for the job and take it easy with their loved ones.

7. They have learned to accept you cannot always win: Choosing the fights worth fighting and losing gracefully is part of the job. Even in their personal lives, counselors are balanced and capable of telling right from wrong.

8. They give awesome advice: As they are trained to examine an issue from all sides, legal wizards can pick up on details you may have missed. They provide useful and practical advice.

9. They are fair: The pursuit of fairness becomes second nature to a legal adviser. They have a built-in integrity detector.

10. They are devoted: As a rule, attorneys are committed partners. They have to be straightforward and upfront in their profession. There is no room for games. They can be trusted.

10 Cons of Relationships With Legal Professionals

We have discussed all the benefits of working with a DA, but are there any potential pitfalls? Below are some things to keep in mind:

1. You need to match their intelligence and wit: Legal experts enjoy the company of people who share their level of intelligence and education. In a lawyer's lifetime relationships or dating, they get bored of people who cannot have intellectual and logical conversations.

2. They log long hours and take work home: To progress through the ranks, young aspiring partners work long billable hours. Once a partner is found, the number of cases they are expected to take on rarely decreases in volume, but they have a greater responsibility for the outcome. Even during dinnertime, they are often working. Your support and understanding will enable them to deliver results and continue helping their clients in an effective manner. Otherwise, you might find yourself unattractive in a relationship.

3. They may get calls any time of day or night: Criminal attorneys in particular receive emergency calls at the most inconvenient times. The money they get paid by the government does not go to waste.

4. You cannot lie to them: Many lawyers guide you through the process. Knowing when a person is lying is a crucial industry skill since they are constantly dealing with liars. Being caught lying once could result in your dismissal. If you thought this was innocent, they have a different motto: "Once a liar, always a liar."

5. Their jobs are highly stressful and demanding: Due to the demands of their positions, they may experience high levels of stress. People doing less mentally stimulating work have a harder time relaxing at home than those doing more mentally stimulating work.

6. They may be too analytical and methodical: Analyzing and dissecting things is their forte. Legislators are apprehensive about something they do not understand until they figure it out. At first, they may seem distant.

7. They don't like risks: When the rewards outweigh the risks, they are content with taking calculated risks. Nevertheless, they may not be your ideal parachute-jumping buddies.

8. They are highly structured: With a lawyer, you will likely encounter a lack of spontaneity. They prefer predictability and security.

9. Your life has to be transparent: Prosecutors, justice servants, and magistrates, especially, cannot afford to have dubious connections. You need to have a clean and legit life.

10. They take time to trust you: Generally, law specialists are wary of people's intentions. In order for them to trust you, they need sufficient grounds, which take weeks or months to observe and assess. Also, keep in mind that the truth cannot be bent. Be truthful at all times.

Meeting law practitioners through online dating

In the same way as ordinary people, legal consultants embraced online dating. By asking correct questions and observing human behavior, they are able to select a worthy individual for a relationship or a lifetime partner.

We can now connect with such specialists in other cities, states, or even other countries thanks to the Internet. For example, you might date a Russian lawyer.

It is simple to do this via trusted websites for singles. Mobile apps linked to matchmaking sites provide instant connections on the go. You now have the chance to date someone from the justice department if you have never done so before.

Who Do Lawyers Usually Marry?

It turns out that most lawyers marry other lawyers. However, male lawyers also marry schoolteachers, secretaries, and other managers. Lesbian lawyers also marry people in other computer occupations.

The judicial law clerks are listed separately for some reason. Many of them also marry lawyers or judges. However, female clerks also marry male doctors and editors. Gay female clerks also marry female economists. Male clerks marry female teachers. Gay male clerks marry gay secretaries and administrative assistants.

Which other professions are commonly married to lawyers? The following are the careers on the list I reviewed.

Females in these careers marry a male lawyer:
  • Archivists, curators, and museum technicians.
  • Convention and event planners.
  • Dietitians and nutritionists.
  • Public relations specialists.
  • Fundraisers.
  • Nurse practitioners.
  • Paralegals and legal support workers.
  • Psychologists.
  • Speech-language pathologists.
  • Recreation and fitness workers.

Females in these careers marry a female lawyer:
  • Financial sales agents.
  • Natural science managers.
  • Other financial specialists.
  • Dancers and choreographers.
  • Probation officers.
  • Medical and health services managers.
  • Accountants and auditors.

Males in these careers commonly marry a female lawyer:
  • Jewelers.
  • Actors.
  • Farm product buyers.

Males in these careers marry a male lawyer:
  • Wholesale and manufacturing sales representatives.
  • Computer and office machine repairers.
  • Housekeeping and janitorial services.
  • Other therapists, including exercise physiologists.
  • Food preparation and serving supervisors.
  • Dental hygienists.

Finally, general and operations managers commonly marry lawyers, although the genders are indeterminable.

Are Lawyers Good In Relationships?

There are some people who believe lawyers make bad husbands and bad partners because of their personality traits.

A difficult husband is a nightmare for his wife and has little time for his children and other family members. Although male lawyers are more likely to get married than female lawyers, their divorce rate is among the highest of all professionals.

Many of the same things that make lawyers successful in their careers also strain their marriages. The person who wants to become a successful lawyer must play the different roles that a lawyer's life presents. Problems will arise if some roles are neglected. When lawyers are so dedicated to their legal practice, strains begin to develop in other areas of their lives.

The following are some of the reasons why some lawyers make bad partners and difficult spouses.

Little or No Time for Family

Lawyers are always busy, and that is an understatement. Lawyers are required to stay on their toes in the legal profession due to its fast-paced nature.

Lawyers have difficulty keeping up with the demands of their clients due to everyone wanting special attention. Many lawyers usually come home exhausted physically and mentally after spending so much time and energy on their clients' cases.

A lawyer who is tired and worn out will have little or no time for his wife and children when he gets home. The lack of attention for the family makes some lawyers seem like difficult husbands who do not have their families' interests at heart.

Stress Management Problems

Many studies have revealed that lawyers face a lot of stress as a result of the demands of law practice.

Time is a crucial factor in legal practice, and lawyers work around the clock to beat deadlines and avoid penalties for being late. There are lawyers who are driven to the brink of emotional collapse by their desire to satisfy their clients, law firms, and courts.

Lawyers tend to blame themselves when they lose cases because of the adversarial nature of our legal system. Stress is not only detrimental to productivity, but also to relationships at home, according to some studies. Some lawyers have occasional angry outbursts on their wives and children due to emotional stress. They are unable to control their emotions and lash out at their wives and partners when provoked.

Extremely Suspicious

Lawyers tend to rank higher than most other groups in society when it comes to suspicion. It is common for lawyers to suspect everything they see, hear, and read in the course of their work. A lawyer, as a result of their legal training, questions and examines every document, action, claim, and assertion. Becoming suspicious in your personal and marital relationships can cause problems.

Lawyers occupy a variety of positions and play different roles in society as husbands, fathers, and partners. It can create a toxic environment in a couple's relationship if lawyers display a suspicious attitude toward their wives. In a relationship, skepticism leaves little room for trust, and without trust, no relationship will thrive. Lawyers who bring their 'critical minds' into marriage create room for other problems that can destroy the relationship.

A Superior Attitude

People often accuse lawyers of being superior because of their high level of confidence.

In law school, lawyers are taught to have a superior attitude. In addition to excelling in academic work, lawyers must also be physically fit. Lawyers must dress properly, talk properly, and associate appropriately with others to be fit and proper.

Some lawyers have taken this attitude too far, even to the point of being plain arrogant towards their wives. A lawyer with this superior mentality in their marriage will surely have trouble building a healthy relationship. Thus, lawyers should learn to deal with their wives and partners at home without having a superiority complex.

Preemption is Unhealthy

A common mistake that lawyers make is to turn their marital homes into courtrooms. Lawyers are good at discerning the meanings behind your words and interpreting your body language. It is a skill that is helpful in legal practice but is a surefire way to sabotage your relationships. In conversations, some lawyers have a bad habit of forestalling, or pre-emptively attacking their partners and spouses. For the other party, this can be very frustrating.

Wrapping It Up

Some men are not able to properly take care of their families due to the demands of the legal profession. If you want to have a happy marriage and legal practice, you should know how to balance your professional duties with your family obligations. Lawyers should not neglect their other roles as husbands and fathers when practicing law.

In Conclusion

The majority of us date for the wrong reasons. This is why we’re single, still dating or having once dated and subsequently married, are now divorced with our heads shaking dizzily as to what exactly we did.

Many of our dating and relationship issues come from taking people and situations for granted, thinking we’re being objective toward our partner(s) when we, in fact, are being subjective, until, in the end, we wake up and realize of the other person that they are nothing close to what we expected them to be.

It is a hard pill to swallow, and quite a mistake to overcome in the long term. But almost always, every one of us learns a lesson from our relationship faux pas. And that’s to not judge favorably or unfavorably a person’s characteristics, no matter what their profession is.

To do so will be to short change the person we once expected to share our love and affection with, while doing ourselves no great shakes as that same shortchanging has us shortchanged as well.
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published December 21, 2017

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