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10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating a Lawyer: How to Make a Relationship With a Lawyer Work

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Summary: See if your rationale for dating a lawyer falls under one of these 10 rationales.
10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating a Lawyer: How to Make a Relationship With a Lawyer Work
  • How many times have we heard that dating (and eventually marrying) a lawyer is a safe and solid matrimonial bet?
  • Well, not all is bliss, which we soon figure out as our lawyer-related romance continues.
  • The question is, what was our rationale before we began dating a lawyer?
  • If you’ve forgotten, here are 10 misguided rationales that might spark your memory.
We thought that after the scientific and technological leaps of modern civilization, we would be more rational human beings today. But with the “tips” and “tricks” floating around on how and why to date someone, the rationale we are supposed to have acquired now appears to be nonexistent.

Particularly when a prominent dating website boldly reveals the secrets of why one should date a lawyer, of all the smart ideas in the world, someone at eHarmony thought of bringing out lawyers from their complex web of caveats and legalities, and sending them on a date. One must thank them for it. We can now even dare to think of tips to date a librarian, a poet, or even Batman!

Anyway, without further philosophizing, let’s reveal the 10 misguided rationales of dating a lawyer.
  1. Quoting your date will make you sound smarter: “My boyfriend is a lawyer and he says…”

    Maybe the ultimate goal of your love life should be to show off that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend who is a lawyer.

    Your rationale may then be that the world will now take you seriously for hooking up with an honest-to-goodness smart person who makes good money to boot.

    And quoting their litigiousness or thoughtfully debating with friends the summary you’ve formulated from your own lawyer-lover’s summary will earn you higher praise for making a good partner choice.
  1. Your mom and dad will be impressed. Plus: A lawyer in the family is always a good thing!

    Netting a lawyer is an impressive feat indeed, particularly with one’s parents. Lawyers in most parents' minds (possibly with the exception of parents who are also lawyers) are sound individuals of good solid character. Plus, due to you, there is the added benefit of your family having in some respects their own in-house counsel.
  1. Most lawyers are fantastic dressers

    If power dressing is a qualification for long-term dating, lawyers have it in spades. Granted, a large part of being a lawyer is an ability to exude confidence. And what better place to do that than with a lawyer’s clothes style. Of course, we all know the suit doesn’t quite make the man or woman. So if conservative Victoria Beckham or Brooks Brothers style is your style, you’ve hit the mark … we guess.
  1. Lawyers are financially secure

    A large number of America’s young lawyers are far from financial security. Many recent law school graduates are beseeched by creditors to pay off their past student loan debt. Even without the debt, consider the belief that a young lawyer who makes upwards of $200,000 is financially secure is completely subjective ($200,000 a year will barely get you a passable lifestyle in … say … San Francisco).

    Of course, along with the lucrativeness of being (and dating) a lawyer, one has to put up with the reasons that lawyer does make the big bank: 
  • Long hours, late nights.
  • Stress.
  • Every situation seems to be conducted argumentatively.
  • Potential substance abuse.
  • A complete implosion of your relationship. 

    Now, can $200,000, let alone all the money in the world, make up for the negatives of dating an overworked, stressed out, argumentative, potentially addicted lawyer? No, we didn’t think so. 
  1. A lawyer’s charm will rub off on ... everyone

    Attorneys, by default, are charming. They have to charm to attract business and keep up their billable hours. Their charm also flows out to clients, juries in litigation cases, as well as other lawyers.

    That charm, however, is oftentimes forced charm. For as many smiles a lawyer offers, there are scowls about the difficulties of a case, a client, a judge, other lawyers, the workload, or a lawyer’s life in general. 

    Hopefully, when you and your lawyer friend go out to meet friends and/or family, he or she will turn on their charm, and not fall to the as-likely darkness that comes with dating a perceived charming lawyer.
  1. Your date will stand up for you, even when you’re wrong.

    If you sometimes feel like a client in your lawyer relationship, join the club. Lawyers are possessive and protective. And while it may seem dashing and chivalrous at first (none of this is dependent on the lawyer’s gender), as time goes on, and the arguments wear on, your notion of dating your lawyer friend because they stand up for you, even when you’re wrong, can eventually be wrong in and of itself.
  1. Lawyers are often invited to interesting social events.

    If socializing is your thing, a lawyer will be a welcomed addition to your wardrobe of wearable arm candy that can get you into the swankiest of atmospheres. From box seats at the ball game to posh nightclub openings, a lawyer, if it’s important to you, can get you in with the right connections. 
  1. Lawyers are experienced negotiators and excel at conflict resolution.

    There can be some good (obviously) that comes out of a relationship with an attorney. For one, an attorney’s negotiation skills can net you quite the deal if you’re …
  • Buying a car
  • Buying a house
  • Buying hand-painted china on the Ponte Vecchio

    Such lavishness and luxuries in life often need negotiation of some type, such as:
  • Haggling
  • Give-and-take bartering of goods and services
  • Negotiation – on demand when you need it such as during traffic accidents, product returns, and other negotiable incidents
  1. Resolutions at the drop of a hat.

    Lawyers are at their best and most impressive when they figure out a resolution to a complicated issue. And believe it or not, if you have a lot of issues in your life that need resolutions, a lawyer is the perfect pairing for you and your legal or not-so-legal issues.
Why this is comes from two camps:
  1. Lawyers are inherently good people who do try to listen when a person bears their problems. After they listen, lawyers, even subconsciously, begin to seek a resolution.
  1. Issues without resolve can literally drive a lawyer insane. To some lawyers, unresolved issues are the same as mistakes, oversights, and other errors and miscues that can lose a case. This is why attorneys are determined to find resolve. They need it, have to have it, and with that, can allow another chapter in the how-to-be-a-lawyer book to close itself. Until then an attorney will drive themselves and you crazy until the end really is the end.
  1. Debating on Demand.

    One characteristic that cannot be denied with attorneys is their ability, almost instinctually, to debate. One moment, an attorney could be speaking with you in plain language, then with the next moment, his words turn to legalese.

    Granted, while entertaining at first (or not), the arguments that break out at a moment’s notice can wear pretty thin in a relationship. So be aware of this if you’re dating a lawyer for the entertainment value, or you simply like to be in a 24-7 self-inflicted forensic contest that quite frankly never ends.
In Conclusion

The majority of us date for the wrong reasons. This is why we’re single, still dating or having once dated and subsequently married, are now divorced with our heads shaking dizzily as to what exactly we did.

Many of our dating and relationship issues come from taking people and situations for granted, thinking we’re being objective toward our partner(s) when we, in fact, are being subjective, until, in the end, we wake up and realize of the other person that they are nothing close to what we expected them to be.

It is a hard pill to swallow, and quite a mistake to overcome in the long term. But almost always, every one of us learns a lesson from our relationship faux pas. And that’s to not judge favorably or unfavorably a person’s characteristics, no matter what their profession is.

To do so will be to short change the person we once expected to share our love and affection with, while doing ourselves no great shakes as that same shortchanging has us shortchanged as well.
10 Misguided Rationales of Dating a Lawyer

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