Still, giving credit where due, most of the items you'll see here are at least imaginative. I mean, who ever knew we'd need teeny, tiny, motion-sensitive remote controls for teeny, tiny, handheld devices?
One marketing study showed that the average iPod owner spends about $150 on accessories; multiply that by more than 10 million iPod users, and you've got the ambition to use your desktop calculator that I lack. Or, like so many elementary school grads, you can do math in your head.
So, with all that potential for revenue, let's take a cue from the desperate American marketing execs. Grab yourself a fistful of lowercase "i"s and start brainstorming. For purposes of inspiration, here's a quick rundown of the latest, greatest, and stupidest MP3 player peripherals on the market.
Griffin's iTrip allows users to connect iPods to radios in such a way that the MP3 files can be heard on the clearest available FM signal. With no power switch, no external antennae, and no battery, this little device is definitely streamlined for maximum functionality. It can send a signal to any FM radio within a 30-foot range.
As with almost every iPod accessory, there are a jesus-bajillion variations on this theme to maximize rock-outability. Griffin makes the iTrip Auto, the iTrip for nano, and the iTrip with LCD, to name a few.
myTalker
We're not sure it's healthy to be so media-connected, but until someone publishes a study on iPods causing brain cancer or develops a Bluetooth-enabled, cell phone-compatible chip that can be surgically implanted, this seems like a pretty good alternative to traditional cell use.
RedWire DLX Jeans
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer my fashion to be fashion and my technology, technology.
Sometime in the fall of 2006, Levi Strauss is launching its RedWire DLX jeans, which it likes to call a "wearable technology revolution." You can store your MP3 player in a side pocket, control it from a watch-pocket joystick, and listen through a handy-dandy retractable headphone unit.
Robert Hanson, Levi's U.S. brand president, said in the press release that he wanted to play into the younger generation's "portable, digital-music lifestyle." Ah, those crazy kids with their digital music. Too bad most of them would probably like to be able to wear more than one stupid pair of jeans while listening to their iPods.
Although Levi's assures us that their design team "took special care to ensure the iPod 'bump' in the pocket is virtually eliminated," I've never seen a functional side pocket that didn't look like a saddlebag.
Really, this all reminds me of a bad Apprentice episode from last season. What's next, drop-seat trousers with built-in laptops?
Lifepod's Rock Steady Beat Bag is the ultimate marriage of an ugly handbag and an ill-conceived technological embarrassment. Boasting a "2.1 XPA System and Bass-Boost Subwoofer," these pre-teeny purses-cum-mid-1980s-boom-boxes look more like bowling ball bags than anything else. And they require four AA batteries, which could be put to much better use in your Air Zinger robot.
Delapod Manhattan
However, if you must have a purse designed with your iPod in mind, there are models that are less embarrassingly juvenile—the Delapod Manhattan comes to mind. It allows the user to see and control the iPod while it's safely tucked into a stylish faux-croc handbag. No speakers, no batteries, no gold lamé—this is the iPod purse that says, "No, my mom is not picking me up from the mall."
Every now and again, you'll want to listen to your iPod at home. Rain Design's iWoofer features an iPod dock with charging and synchronization, an FM radio, USB and audio inputs, and, as the name implies, a 2.1-channel subwoofer speaker system with digital amplifiers and bass control. Also available for nano, the iWoofer fits all docking iPods, including the iPod video, iPod mini, and iPod shuffle.
Tavo Gloves
For those of us who come from the land of the ice and snow, MP3 players pose a problem in the winter months. Manipulating the iPod controls while wearing gloves or mittens can be difficult, so users must brave frostbite and remove the gloves to skip a song or two.
Inconceivable! say the makers of Tavo gloves. They've taken a warm, winter glove and tricked out the tip of the index finger and thumb with nylon strands coated with silver alloy; the metal conducts electricity and allows for better control of the device. The glove is lined with lightweight fleece and has gripping material on the palm.
Although the gloves will do little to build the national character, at least you'll be able to listen to your Led Zeppelin while shoveling your car out of a snowdrift.
Peter Tyser's iPod Remote
Another accessory that could be helpful to you Northern types is software and Linux engineer Peter Tyser's motion-sensitive remote. Created for Wisconsinites who fear "losing precious heat" during standard remote manipulation, Tyser's device would also work well for those who lack manual dexterity and those who play sports while listening to an MP3 player.
The remote, writes Tyser, uses "general body motion to control the iPod, as opposed to touch. This would require no dexterous tasks, only general movements." The remote is a bit smaller than a quarter; and although it won first price at the University of Wisconsin Engineering Expo, no release date has been announced.
Pl>y iBoxer
For the iPod user who spends a lot of time at home or who doesn't mind appearing in public with wires mysteriously disappearing into his pants, there is the iBoxer. The cotton and spandex jersey boxer has a front pocket designed to carry an MP3 player or cell phone. Ordering multiple items will get you free iTunes for a limited time.
Pl>y imagines this number will be a hit with "college students who like to hang around the house or in their dorms in their underwear" once it hits stores on Valentine's Day, but online GLTB community PlanetOut.com is already selling the man panties as a great way to finally "put some rock n' roll in your underpants!"
