It used to be that at the beginning of their second year, students would participate in on-campus interviews for employment nearly two years later. However, it was quickly recognized that this was not nearly early enough. So, job interviews now begin in the students' FIRST year, nearly THREE years before they graduate. The students work for the law firms the following summer and have a dandy time being escorted around to fancy restaurants and on trips down the Colorado River. Of course, as much as the students appreciate these flattering jaunts, they can't help noticing that they never meet any lawyers who actually work for the firm in any of these places (other than those who are chaperoning the law students).
Law firms tell a joke about someone who visits heaven and hell. In heaven people are playing boring harps. In hell they are having a wonderful time at terrific parties. The person therefore decides to go to hell after he dies. However, when he arrives, he sees that the people there are all being roasted on spits or are slaving away in the mines. When he asks what happened to the party, the Devil replies, "Oh, that was our summer clerkship program." Law firms don't tell this joke to the clerks.
Before you interview, you will need to prepare a "resume." It is also called a "curriculum vitae," a Latin phrase meaning "preposterous fable." There is a fine art to interpreting resumes. "Top 10%" means "top 20%." "Top 20%" means "top half." "Middle of the class" means "bottom half." Law schools get extremely angry when students pad their resumes like this. They give moralistic lectures telling students that it is just plain dishonest. Because they are the nation's leading law schools, the twenty-five schools in the Top Ten get particularly huffy about it. One final suggestion: to avoid annoying federal interference, take care not to send your resume through the mails.
The students give their resumes to the Placement Office and tell it which employers they are interested in. The Placement Office forwards the resumes to the designated employers, who then decide which students they would like to interview on campus. However, a few law schools do not let the employers screen the resumes and interview only those students they are really interested in. Instead, students sign up for interviews, and a computer randomly narrows the sign-up list to the number of interview time slots. This random selection method has the advantage of being completely fair to all parties, since it wastes everyone's time equally.
At most schools, though, the Placement Office publishes the list of students that a given employer wants to interview. However, merely appearing on the list is not nearly enough recognition to satisfy some students. So they also proudly display their green "interview slips" in their front shirt pocket. Students strut around like peacocks, competing to be the person with the most ostentatious display of color. (Later, they will compete to be the person who wears a suit on the most days.) In case someone misses the visual message, several times a minute students will mention the names of the firms they're interviewing with, as in:
You: It sure is a beautiful day.
CLASSMATE: Yes, especially because today I'm interviewing with Blah, Blah & Blah.
You: It's very warm outside.
CLASSMATE: Yes. I shouldn't have worn my wool suit, but Blah, Blah & Blah is a very elite firm.
You: I hope I have enough money to pay my rent this month.
CLASSMATE: Did I mention that the starting salary at Blah, Blah & Blah is $75,000 a year? Plus the bonus, of course.
You: If you don't shut up, I'm going to give you a bonus you'll never forget-and it's nontaxable, nontransferable, and nonrefundable. So stuff it.
Then you interview with the employers on campus. However, people realize that it is impossible in one twenty-minute interview to learn enough about a firm to decide whether you want to trust to its care your career training, your professional reputation, and the financial security of you and your family, not to mention half your waking hours for the rest of your entire life. Doing that takes -at least two or three twenty-minute interviews. For this reason, law firms invite you to make a "call-back," a "fly-out," or a "dogsled-ride-back," depending on where they are located. Whatever they call it, you get to spend a day at the firm and learn all there is to know. Watch for subtle signs of discontent among the attorneys. For example, pay special attention if an associate at the firm runs past you down the hall screaming. This is generally not a good sign.
You should ask how many hours associates are required to bill. In some big firms associates bill as many as 3,000 hours a year. One student asked if the associates ever do anything fun together. "Sure," the interviewer replied. "About ten o'clock we knock off for an hour and go play a game of racquetball." The student observed, "What a great way to break up the morning." The interviewer responded, "Morning?"
Lawyers are defined as "professional employees" and are therefore exempt from the federal labor laws, which set forth the minimum standards of human decency. If during your visit to the restroom you see cots and complete changes of clothing, this is a bad sign. It is an especially bad sign if the law firm is having its offices rezoned as "residential." So all in all, the big firm scene might not be for you. Particularly if they don't make you an offer.
And they won't. This is because the students at the top of the class were not satisfied by having their names printed on the interview lists, by displaying their green interviewing cards in their shirt pocket, by wearing a suit every single day during interviewing season, by mentioning their interviews in gloating tones at every possible opportunity, and by comparing their outrageous starting salaries. No, these young egos need more. So these students hoard all the offers they receive. Even though they can only accept one of their many offers, they will not even consider rejecting a single offer until after the interviewing season is over. They want to savor their sweet success as long as possible. Meanwhile, the rest of the students can pound sand.
However, you should not get discouraged if a big firm does not make you an offer. You should remember that there are many job opportunities and lots of different types of work that lawyers do. For example:
Corporate Work: drafting documents for scum sucking corporations that poison huge numbers of innocent people.
Litigation: defending scum sucking corporations that poison huge numbers of innocent people.
Criminal Defense: defending scum sucking individuals who poison a few innocent people at a time, mostly because they lack the capital and technology to poison huge numbers of innocent people.
Public Interest Work: suing scum sucking corporations that poison huge numbers of innocent people. Earning less than what the law firms on the other side of the litigation pay their pencil sharpeners.
So that should make you feel better. Weigh your options care-fully.
If you want to delay making a choice, or if you want to wean yourself from poverty slowly, you might do a judicial clerkship for a year. This is an opportunity to hone your skills polishing the shoes and ironing the robes of some political hack with life tenure. You might get to clerk for an "associate justice" of the U.S. Supreme Court, or maybe even a "full" justice. If so, you get to write constitutional decisions that dramatically change the entire structure of Western civilization (drawing broadly on your vast experience as a law student and your undergraduate degree in sports medicine), while your justice whiles away the time sharpening the teeth of his prize pit bull with a chainsaw, or whittling the heads off dolls. Also, you get to write repeatedly the two words most commonly used by Supreme Court justices: "Habeas denied."
See the following articles for more information:
- 21 Major Interview Mistakes to Avoid at All Costs
- The Best Way to Prepare for a Job Search and Interviews
- How to Talk About Other Interviews in Your Interviews
- How to Answer the Tell Me About Yourself Interview Question
- How to Answer the Do You Have Any Questions for Me Interview Question
