The Etiquette of Wedding Rings and Other Jewelery During a Law Firm Interview

Dear Lawcrossing,


Should I, a married woman in my mid-20s, take off my wedding band when I interview? Employers always notice it, and I firmly believe that it has worked against me in the vast majority of my interviews. However, if I take it off and then get offered the job, I'm afraid my employer would deeply resent me once (s)he found out the truth. I'm afraid that I would be seen as untrustworthy. What should I do?

SO, Illinois

DEAR SO,

LawCrossing's first thought on reading your letter, SO, was to ask herself what your wedding band might look like that it attracts so much attention.

LawCrossing herself had informed her boyfriend that she was willing to get engaged as soon as he was willing to buy her an engagement ring in the shape of a skull, with diamonds for eyes. (By the by, he didn't proffer a skull-shaped ring this fall, but the Goddess said "yes" anyway!)

While LawCrossing basks in the glow of her engagement, she has nonetheless found the time to devote to pondering your question, which is a very good-and very common-one. And LawCrossing sadly agrees that it is well possible that certain employers look askance at you once they notice "the ring." But if we step back a moment and think about why that might be so, your strategy for handling this uncomfortable situation becomes a little clearer.

SO, when interviewers notice your ring, coupled with the fact that you are in the bloom of young- womanhood, many of them will think: "Aha! She's married. She's going to have children any day now, and quit her job." At which point said employer envisions wasting its money and time in training you, SO. It's LawCrossing's belief that the well-intentioned law, which at least in some circumstances prohibits interviewers from asking about your family situation, exacerbates this problem, because interviewers can't ask you directly: "Are you going to quit to have kids?" You are left unable to defend yourself in light of what may be a terribly unfair assumption. The notion that you'll leave the employer in short order to raise a family is the proverbial 600-pound gorilla in the room with the interviewer and you.

What to do? Every career services director LawCrossing knows agrees with Chicago-Kent's Stephanie Rever Chu. "If you really think your wedding band is getting in the way, bring it up the moment you see an interviewer looking at your ring! Say something like, 'I don't know if my being married is an issue for you, but I want to reassure you that I am dedicated to my career.'" You can go on to say that you understand the time demands of a law career with whatever kind of employer you're seeking, and you wouldn't be interviewing with them-and wasting their time-if you weren't serious about this.

As you say these things, SO, make sure that there is no edge in your voice. Be matter-of-fact, smile, and understand the employer's concern while making your point. LawCrossing assures you that you will earn massive brownie points for putting yourself in the shoes of the employer, and that any problems you have faced with regard to your marital status will quickly dissolve in the face of your candor.

LawCrossing suspects that you are much happier with coming clean, in a savvy way, than you would be with the alternative, SO-a variation of the old Band- aid-around-the-ring-finger trick associated with philandering traveling salesmen. As Stephanie Rever Chu points out, "This is a situation where you've got to be honest. After all, if the simple fact that you're married ultimately works against you, is this an employer you'd really want to work for? No!"

So keep wearing that wedding band, SO, and confidently explain that you know what's expected of you and you plan to deliver. LawCrossing is certain that with this approach, you will soon have the opportunity to do so!

See the following articles for more information:
 

• 21 Major Interview Mistakes to Avoid at All Costs
• The Best Way to Prepare for a Job Search and Interviews
• How to Talk About Other Interviews in Your Interviews
• How to Answer the Tell Me About Yourself Interview Question
• How to Answer the Do You Have Any Questions for Me Interview Question