Bookworms Can Learn from Social Butterflies

The demands of law school are grueling, and many law students end up sacrificing their social lives just to keep up. While they're studying for class, their friends are meeting new people at parties, going on dates, and doing all the other fun stuff college kids do. But law school is not just about good grades. What many people don't realize is that hanging out with friends can actually foster a successful career, in addition to a happy personal life.
 

Lawyers, in particular, need to develop strong social skills because they are constantly interacting with people on a daily basis. "I watched for years as associates came and went, and as bright and competent as they were, they lacked social and strategic skills," Joan Newman, a former partner at St. Louis law firm Thompson Coburn, LLP, told STLtoday.com.

Newman recently started an "associate training and development" business that teaches young lawyers all the things they need to know that they didn't learn in law school. In addition to basic etiquette, Newman teaches lawyers how to develop strong communication skills and build personal and professional relationships.

Over the last 10 years, many law firms, including Blackwell Sanders Peper Martin, LLP, have been teaching new associates "soft skills," such as proper etiquette and how to make casual conversation. "It's in our interest to get them trained as early as possible," Pete Salsich, Hiring Partner at the firm's St. Louis office, told STLtoday.com. "We simply have an obligation to make sure a new lawyer becomes the best five-year lawyer he or she can be," he added. "If we only train them in legal skills, we aren't doing that."

Work-related social skills are as important to employers as basic academic skills are. A job candidate's social skills often become a deciding factor during the hiring process, according to MonsterTrak.com, a website for college job seekers.

According to the National Association of School Psychologists, good social skills are critical to successful functioning in life. Strong communication skills help individuals know what to say, how to make good choices, and how to behave in different situations.

We begin learning social skills at a young age. Babies give their first social smiles when they are about three months old. As time goes on, and we are presented with new obstacles and challenges, we learn how to interact with others in all types of situations.

A student who lacks social skills often feels nervous and insecure about speaking in public, initiating conversations, approaching strangers, asking someone out on a date, mingling at social gatherings, or simply holding up his or her end of conversation.

As with anything, the only way to improve your social skills is to practice. Start small. Raise your hand, and participate in classroom discussions. Join a student organization, get active in your community, or ask someone you're interested in out on a date.

The more you interact with people, the more natural it will become. Try mingling with acquaintances or people you feel somewhat comfortable around. Initiate conversations with family members you don't talk to regularly, or simply go out with your friends more often. Challenging yourself every day will help you gain self-confidence. Start off with small talk, discussing the weather or things you have in common with the person to whom you're speaking.

Non-verbal communication is equally as important as the words that you speak. In fact, one UCLA study found that 93% of all messages are communicated nonverbally. About 55% of nonverbal messages are communicated through facial expressions, while 35% are communicated through vocal tones. If there is a discrepancy between someone's body language and words, it can send a mixed message and cause confusion.

For instance, studies show that defensive postures include folded arms, crossed legs, or facing away from the speaker. Such postures display aggression and send the message that you are not interested in the conversation.

Also, different types of eye contact have been proven to convey different messages. In general, normal eye contact means that communication is open, while looking down sends the message that you reject what the speaker is saying. Avoiding eye contact usually suggests that the person feels insecure, while staring can project dislike towards someone.

Communication is a two-way street. Great conversationalists are also great listeners. It is important to ask relevant questions and avoid interrupting, so the other person knows you are interested in what he or she is saying. Also, smile when greeting people, even if you don't know them, and always make eye contact.

So the next time you are invited to a social gathering, think of it as a learning experience. The skills you gain can benefit both your personal and professional lives.