English as a Second Language: Learning Legalspeak

And that brings up something you're going to have to realize right now. The first year of law school is like stumbling into a linguistic asylum from which you can never escape: Lawyers have their own language, and it's a language that can be really annoying sometimes. Sometimes it's inevitable-when you mean "collateral estoppel," there's really no other good way of saying it. But lawyers are not immune to the common conceit among professionals of using jargon not because it's necessary, but because it makes them feel smart or, even worse, because they don't think about making what they say understandable. You're going to hear tidbits of infuriatingly useless legalspeak like "arguendo" and "inter alia." You're going to read words so incredibly antiquated that you can't even tell what part of speech they are-words like "herewith" and "wheretofore." You're going to find yourself saying-to your horror-unspeakably hackneyed clichés such as "That's neither here nor there"; "That cuts both ways"; and "I enjoy seeing how much Jell-0 I can fit in my pockets."

The esoterica of the language of law will, frankly, be one of the main things slowing you down in the first year of law school. Reading some of the cases will take a long time as you look up every third word in the legal dictionary. Unfortunately, you'll just have to learn to understand legalspeak. Just try to avoid falling into the trap of using it when it's not necessary.


But enough introductions. The first year of law school is just one year, and you'll get through it. Let's get on to the rest of the book. We promise: It'll be here and there and everywhere in between. It'll cut this way and that, and hopefully some other ways we haven't thought of yet. Wheretofore we request that you proceed forthwith to the text hereunder. (That is, turn the page, Jack.)

CONSTITUTIONAL LAW

You know Con Law. You're excited about Con Law, no doubt, and rightly so. Con Law is a sexy class. You address big, capital-'T Issues: abortion, affirmative action and racial discrimination, separation of church and state, gender equality, and freedom of speech. It's big, it's fast, it's fun. But we're getting ahead of ourselves; let's back up for a second.

The Constitution, of course, controls how the government can function. It sets up the three branches of government and says what each can and cannot do. There are affirmative grants of power- the president, for instance, is given the power to command the military-and there are negative prohibitions-Congress cannot, for instance, establish a national religion. There is the well-known- freedom of speech-and the obscure-the right to prevent militias from being quartered in your house (really, it's in the Third Amendment). There is the noble-the right to equal protection under the laws-and the contemptible-slaves valued at three-fifths of a person each.

So there's a lot there. And especially because no one, not even the Supreme Court, can agree on what all the words in the Constitution mean-or even by what interpretive method they should be read- there is a lot of debate and a lot of room for creativity in Constitutional Law. Not surprisingly, then, there's also a lot of variety in how professors teach Con Law. Expect at least some basics, though: You will learn about freedom of speech, due process, equal protection, religion and the state, and what Congress is empowered to do. And, of course, you will read lots of opinions from the Supreme Court explaining, changing, and, in some cases, muddying the contours of Constitutional Law.

Here's something important you should know about Con Law, though (and something you should remember in your other classes): A lot of people care a lot about a lot of the issues in Con Law. You'd have to be living in a cave (or be a talk radio host) not to know, for instance, that abortion has reasonable people on each side of the issue who believe very passionately in their own correctness. One key to fostering a healthy first-year experience is to be sensitive (and to encourage others, gently, to do the same). Argue your position, yes, but remember that neither being a lawyer nor being a law student means that you have to be (or have an excuse to be) an argumentative ass as well. Your life at law school will be much more pleasant if all your classmates don't hate your guts.

But have fun! Get in there and have some vigorous (and respectful) debates. Con Law is very interesting. In truth, very few people actually go on to practice Con Law, but it's something every lawyer needs to know and every law student needs to take.

One side note: At some schools, Con Law is not taught in the first year, but is required in the second year. So, if you miss out on Con Law your first year, don't fret. You'll still get to read Brown v. Board of Education, just one year later.

CONTRACTS

The other ones probably looked at least a little bit fun to you, but Contracts? It doesn't seem quite the course you would have taken as an elective in college. Chin up, though! Contracts can actually be quite a bit of fun, and the right professor can make it a highly entertaining experience. Some very interesting and important theoretical questions-What makes a contract? When and why will we allow someone out of a contract? If somebody breaks a contract, what should the wronged party get in compensation?-allow for stimulating discussions on contract theory. (Bet you never thought you'd read "stimulating" in the same sentence as "contract theory," eh?)

Of course, there's a lot of unavoidably boring stuff, too. Most Contracts courses teach about the Uniform Commercial Code (the U.C.C.), which in most states (with slight variations) governs the sale of goods. Depending on your professor, you may have to learn every tiny detail of the dreaded U.C.C. (good luck, we'll pray for you), or you may just have to know that it exists.

Now there's something different about Contracts from the previous two classes. Civ Pro and Con Law are dominated by decisions from the Supreme Court. In Contracts, by contrast, you will read cases from all sorts of different courts around the country (and maybe even some from other countries, depending on how wacky your professor feels). You see, Contracts is a so-called "common law" class. Maybe you've heard of common law marriages? The term "common law" refers to judge-made law-that is, to the principles that judges, over many years, have developed incrementally, from decision to decision. Judges try to maintain consistency from precedent to precedent, so as courts make decisions dealing with certain issues, they establish common law rules. Basically, today the common law fills in the gaps where statutes and constitutions don't give the answers.

In Contracts, you read common law cases chosen by your professor to illustrate broad common law concepts-for instance, that a contractual promise is not considered binding before the law unless the promisee also agrees to do something for the promisor. As you read cases, you will see how the principles fit together in concrete factual situations. You'll learn amazing bargaining techniques that will help you in real life. Soon enough, you'll be negotiating multimillion-dollar contracts for Fortune 500 companies and Hollywood movie stars. The last two sentences are complete fabrications, but Contracts is still pretty fun.