Preparation for Bar Exams

Preparation-don't panic, just remember that you will be responsible for seven centuries of accumulated jurisprudence. Preparation is far more important than technique, but it is inevitable that you will know a couple of people who tell you that they're taking the exam "cold." If these people truly do such a thing and pass the exam, your only hope is that they die young from a lingering and painful disease. Most students who brag that they are going to take the exam without studying are lying, however, and it is likely that they will eventually leave the practice to become investment bankers or presidential advisers.




Your bar review course should be state oriented, since passing the multistate is only slightly less probable than being born a Rockefeller. Different states have one- or two-day essay sessions, and it is inevitable that one or more questions will involve legal matters peculiar to a particular state. In Georgia, for instance, one essay question several years ago asked the following: "You have just successfully defended a client on a moonshine-trafficking charge, and your fee is $5,000. How many Ball jars should the fee fill?" Obviously, Cornell Law graduates who took a national bar review course had some difficulty with this question. Make your decision accordingly.

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Before you even select a bar review course, however, an even weightier decision must be made. Many states allow law students to take the bar exam during their third year. Because of the intense pressure of preparation, however, you must ask yourself several questions before you opt to take the early bar exam. First, have you used up all of the elective courses that are your law school's "guts"? You may regret having taken 'The Philosophy of Justice" from old Dr. Webfoot during spring semester of your second year, but at the time it was important to start dating members of the opposite sex again.

Second, if you've passed the bar by the time you graduate, will the sweatshop that bought your soul for $70,000 a year want an immediate return on its investment? The period of time between law school graduation and the beginning of work will be your last opportunity to get rid of that pasty look you acquired during your first year.

Finally, what is the attitude of the teachers at your law school toward the early bar exam? Many law professors feel that the early exam is an infringement upon their academic time with third-year students and resent it bitterly. This is somewhat unrealistic, since their academic time with third-year students is daily infringed upon by "Magnum" reruns and "Wheel of Fortune." Other law professors are more tolerant, particularly the ones who hold the local bar exam study review franchises. All law school professors, however, are profoundly envious of any exam that does not have to be graded for at least four months.

Is This Really Necessary, or Could I Just Beat Myself over the Head with a Bat Instead?

Believe it or not, bar exams may not be necessary. They aren't used, for example, in Wisconsin if you are a graduate of an ABA-accredited law school. Has anybody lately noticed an outbreak of murder and pillage among Wisconsin lawyers? Is America less safe because there are no essay questions on the Wisconsin bar exam regarding brewery or cheese law?

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Each state still jealously guards its control over the practice of law. Of course, most states also jealously guard the licensing of beauticians and undertakers, so we shouldn't feel too put upon by the rigors of the bar exam. As long as the requirement remains, however, three things should be kept in mind as you prepare for this final ordeal in your journey to professional practice. First, you will pass the exam. This is not true for some of you, but you won't be the ones reading this book. Second, exactly one minute after learning that you've passed the bar exam, you will have completely forgotten the agony involved. In fact, this author was forced to undergo deep hypnosis to recall most of the factual background contained in this article.

Finally, the format you choose for celebrating the successful completion of the exam is insignificant. It will be your life's best: (a) drunk; (b) dinner; (c) sex; (d) sleep for three days; or (e) thanksgiving worship service at your church, synagogue, or mosque. In any event, you won't need a bar review course to guess the correct answer to the previous multiple choice quiz.

In closing, legal experts wish to note that the hyperbole in this article should not unnecessarily deter you from a legal career, for the bar exam is really quite bearable and certainly not insurmountable. Indeed, at some point in your legal career, as you open your local bar journal to gaze upon the 500 or so names of hungry young lawyers recently admitted to practice in your state, you will say to yourself, "Why the heck don't they get tough on that blasted bar exam?"

Finally, there is the wait before you know the results. In modern human experience, the only thing that takes longer than grading a bar exam is the professional basketball season. This extended period also allows for the proliferation of rumors: "The examiners lost all the booklets from the second day and they're throwing the whole test out"; "I've heard that only 38 percent will pass"; or "A lawsuit is being filed by Alabama graduates because of cultural bias." These and more will take on a life of their own, so beware.

The techniques of taking the exam aren't nearly as important as preparation, but be sure to follow these important rules: (1) go armed in case the person next to you smokes or chews gum; (2) have a name that starts with "A" or "B" so you can sit in the front of the room and not see the mass of humanity trying to deprive you of a livelihood; and (3) never, never, never discuss the completed questions and answers during bathroom breaks or at the end of the exam.

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